Day 6 or 7 and no end in sight!

It has been 7 days since I had the trigger shot and 6/7 days since I ovulated (and possibly conceived). This has seriously been one of the longest weeks of my life.

As of this morning, the FRER (first response early result) I took only had the faintest of faint lines, so as of tomorrow, the trigger should officially be out of my system. Now I have to wait a few days and just pray that the line comes back and gets progressively darker.

I never thought I'd see September come without being pregnant. I keep trying to remind myself that when I do get pregnant, it's going to be so much more special...but you know what? That's just a bunch of crap. That statement is only inches above the ole "Just relax and you'll get pregnant. You're trying too hard" Man I hate when people say that! To those of you who may have happened upon my blog...those of you who have never had trouble conceiving...please- don't ever tell someone who IS having trouble conceiving that they need to not try so hard. It makes us want to kick you. Hard.

Day after day I see stories on the television. Stories of people who mistreated the kids that God blessed them with. Stories of teens who wound up pregnant and hid the pregnancy and then terminated the child after birth...or most recently, stories of mothers who were so in love with their sorry excuses for boyfriends that they helped hide the fact that their boyfriend killed their three year old daughter. Seriously. This woman lived just 15 minutes or so away from me. I would've killed him and claimed temporary insanity. And you know what, any jury would understand. I can't help but to question God's judgment on having given these women children in the first place.

Yesterday we threw a 50th anniversary party for my grandparents. It actually turned out beautifully. But while there, I ran into a younger cousin of mine. 22 years old. 4 kids. Age 6 and under. Living with her alcoholic grandfather, not working and on public assistance. Recently separated from her most recent baby's daddy. My heart breaks for her...as I'm sure she is just in search of love...but at the same time I'm sickened.

Tomorrow I have to go in at 7 am for a blood draw to check my progesterone level. I'll have to do the same on Friday. At this point I am so wishy-washy about it. One minute I am certain this is the month and I'm sitting here pregnant and just don't know it yet. The next minute, I feel defeated and like I'm headed for certain disaster. Last night I woke up at 3 am. Had to pee. It's pretty sad when you see something so small as such a big highlight of your evening. Why would I be excited to pee in the middle of the night? Why because it COULD be a symptom of pregnancy of course. Certainly all you non preggos don't pee in the middle of the night? What's that? Oh you do? Darn it.

Sigh. Only four more days and I should know something. I only pray it's the news my heart is yearning for.